Carey's Reading Notes

  Crying in a Tesla I was listening to the book Crying in H Mart On my commute to work  When I cried   I was reminded of how just the week before On my trip to Canada to visit my parents Mom and Dad showed me  How much they loved me In their eyes I am still a little girl   Dad refused to let me carry my suitcase He scorned the dog for barking at me 진아, 누가 언니한테 짖어! Jinna, how dare you bark at your older sister!   A few years ago, I stayed with Mom in Seoul Mom, her friend and I went out to an art show when her friend fell and seriously injured herself in a department store Mom was about to accompany her in an ambulance She pleaded to the store employee to help me get home 이 꼬마가 외국에서 와서… 택시좀 잡아 주세요 My little baby is from abroad… Can you please get her a taxi? She had completely forgotten that I was 42 and spoke fluent Korean That I can take care of myself   Days before this trip home Mom had prepared 육계장 beef stew, 돼지고기 볶음 marinated spicy por...

Ocean Every time I come to the ocean And watch the powerful waves break I think what a waste of tidal energy We could be harnessing  But ocean never fails To make me feel small And my problems smaller My mind Is like the waves Churning and breaking Destructive and fearful thoughts Fill my mind and then subside My thoughts shout out words I'm ashamed of And shame and desperation make me want to cry There is a source of anger and fear That I come to the ocean to free myself from  But the words that came from the mouth of another Were mean and hurtful Can an apology so quickly erase them from my memory The words burn in my mind Like amber ready to set fire I try to contain them within the 2 seconds of time in my memory But they ring in my mind over and over And then the words I said afterwards by myself Ring in my mind after them The fighting words continue to echo after each other And grow even more violent I know he didn't mean to hurt But at the moment he did With ...

할머니 Grandma At 94 years old, you are so strong But I fear that you will soon be gone So I turn my worry into a weekend trip  Grandmother's stories span many lifetimes Through your eyes I see a nation rising Out of so much pain and war Yet, in your stories I see you  As a girl that shines so brightly Delayed flights may bar my way But I will come see you again soon Meanwhile I'll do what you told me And live a life of love

Strawberries Even when they are not red  And still tart  I love How the seeds pop between my teeth When life feels like the not-quiet-ripe strawberries Why wait? Sprinkle a little sugar  And enjoy the moment

Happy Birthday Poem  Happy birthday my love We have gone through so much together  Like two trees Leaning on each other we can withstand any weather Our leaves swaying in cool summer breeze With each year our roots grow deeper We can smell scents from the seven seas Our love becomes seasoned and stronger Wise with stories to tell the birds and bees When one is tired, the other stands taller With open heart, listen to each other's pleas And send our worries away with laughter

Micro organisms Beach is not quiet Waves crash Big ones, over and over Sand is churned Micro organisms are thrashed about I envy them They probably don't have thoughts like, I want to be a perfect amoeba, the most perfect one on this beach By the time they think that The next unforgiving wave comes Washes them away into cold depths  With every wave, they are restored To their primal stupor  But perhaps they sing I saw a powerful wave breaking And my brain thought,  Part of Your World 🧜‍♀️🎶 I belted out the little tune Then, seeing other humans around at this ungodly hour at the beach Felt embarrassed Micro organisms, I'm sure Don't feel shame when they sing  Like the waves The stars remind me We are just tiny specks of dust With life as brief as a blink My quiet thoughts are disturbed By a drunk person talking out loud Some gibberish only he can fathom But maybe he's just singing Like the micro organisms

Daffodils Born from a tiny seed You became a green shoot Swaying in the wind Among blades of grass On an Irish field One day a pair of scissors appeared "Snip, snip, snip!" You were gathered up And put into a box In the darkness You didn't know you traveled the Atlantic Ocean You awakened Squinting under the bright lights of a Trader Joe's store in America A hand picked you out along with nineteen of your sisters A voice exclaimed "Wow, 20 daffodils for only 2.99!" You were placed in a vase with water For a day and a half you laid dormant You looked like a green onion The voice hmm'd and ha'd Doubting you would ever flower Then slowly one morning You opened your yellow flower And smiled at the warm Californian sun The voice smiled back "Wow, smells so good!" Thank you for reminding me of wonder and beauty in this world And of simple joy in the scent of the Irish spring 🌱🌼

In The Quiet It's evening After work I drive home Under a beautiful sunset Sky full of orange and pink While it's still light We go for a little walk  Talk about our day You go back to sleep, tired I put the breakfast you didn't eat back in the fridge I make myself a cup of tea Have some dinner of leftovers Sit on the loveseat under the blanket Open a book to read In the quiet With the two of us in opposite corners The house doesn't feel so big Every room is filled with Quietness, darkness or both I worry about you while I'm at work How you are feeling If you are eating enough or too much If you are sleeping enough or too much Yesterday when we talked You said you felt 3 out of 10 And I felt guilty that I felt a 9 Today I meditated on self nurturing How each of us are so precious Just by being We  touch each other's lives And those of others Friends come and go But you are my chosen family We only have each other I don't know how I can help To li...

All The Reasons I am aware of The fire of ambition The tight grip of perfectionism The sweetness of recognition In those moments of awareness I must not forget Fire burns Tight grips tire Sweetness spoils Achieving does not mean Impressing others or Sticking out from the crowd Choose Kindness over competition Accepting over striving Gratitude over arrogance I remind myself I have absolutely nothing to prove I already have all the reasons For being exactly where I am